*i cant belive, that i'm the fool again. *

Monday, April 09, 2007

this shall be the last entry i have here.

finally,i realise what's BEST FRIENDS! best friends are no longer best friends when it comes to protecting his/her own interest. everything turns to dust.
you said you dont wanna end our friendship in this way, you ask me not to compare the lies you made,and think of the reasons of why you lied. I DID. and what did i get in the end?

actions speaks louder than words. your actions dont even tally a single bit with your words.mend the broken part? or worsen the wound? which are you trying to do?

i understand that you tried to lie because you had your own stand. i accept that you have your own stand, BUT i have mine too. i know you too well, you always take my words lightly, until things really happen, then will you start to believe me.

2 BEST FRIENDS = LIES.
you said she was wrong, said you wouldn't treat me the way she treated me.
but then? you did the same damn thing as her. but at least she showed me that she felt sorry, she tried to minimise the pain she gave me. BUT you? ok, maybe you think you did, but i really cannot see or feel it. yet i feel the pain getting deeper & deeper.

YES i said that the broken friendship can be mended, and i mean it. but that includes that you try too. NOT me alone trying. furthermore YOU are the one responsible for the 'trying to mend the broken part' task. so what if i try to mend? very FUTILE i can say. moreover, i dont see the reason why i should try more than you when you were the one who broke it.

sometimes, the things i know, can not be what you can imagine. sometimes, i chose to act as if i dont know anything. b'cos i dont wanna make things ugly. but in fact, i knew it. AND you chose to keep me in the dark. there are still things that i know i can say. well, that guy you 'love' hates me like hell now, and he says he wants to take everything away from me. YES, you can tell him, he WON, he did it. and YOU played a part in it too. the friends you are hanging around with now used to be my friends. AND you know what that means? i hope you do. AND you understand this bloody kind of feeling? what have i done to deserve such treatment from you and her? whenever you think of yourself not in the wrong, you can try switching roles with me. what if you were me, i were you. and i bloody do this to you? all that the both of you ( my 2 ex-best friends) have done, still lacking the part of you and my ex-best friend becoming best friends. i think you can try doing so. that would be interesting, and i can be the laughing stock. yeah.

have i not done enough as your best friend? i am very sure i did more than what i should.
i hope you dont regret the path you chose today. Because the path you chose today cannot be returned. you can also tell him, he wants to hate me? i can do it better than him.

i hope that the lil things/secrets we have between us BEFORE will be kept. THANK YOU.

FROM NOW ON, i dont need any best friends. AND i dont believe in BEST FRIENDS ANYMORE.

YOU lead your life, i lead mine. i will not hate you. we're still friends. but no longer the same. and if you still want me to attend your birthday, i will too.

to MIN: thanks for letting me know that you still care, thanks for letting me know that you are on my side, thanks for believing in me.

to RIS/ANGELA: thanks for letting me know that the both of you still care :)

from now on, i lead my new life ................

the beauty exposed ;

Thursday, March 15, 2007

P.S : DO NOT comment on ly life and how the way i do things if you know nuts about whats going on. I'll show you the bad side of me. you wanna bad-mouth me? come straight to me in the face and tell me. i'll be glad if you stop your bad-mouthing excerise!

my fucking holidays did not actually give me the ''happy holiday'' mood. Instead, i lost almost everything overnight(excluding my family). this feeling sucks big time.

i have always believed that cutting my hair away will mean cutting away the unhappy memories, this is what i've been living with since sec 1. if you know me long and well enough, you will know. i dont cut my hair for NOTHING. i cut it with a purpose.
so TADA, there goes my long hair on my left side. SHORT. i look like an idiot.

somebody just commented on my life. he said i walked a ''not a 20 year old can walked before life'' i guess so too. what i've gone throught since secondary sch. is not what you people can imagaine.i jus turned 18 for goodness sake. And my life is like what a 20 year old is going through. LIFE is unfair. :(

BEST FRIEND? whats that? can anybody show me the defination? will you lie to your best friend and not admiting even until ur best friends knows everything, knows that you are lying to her?
LOVE? whats that? i hate the ''I LOVE YOU '' word, i hear it almost everyday with different ppl saying, be it on the phone or text-ing. Tis makes me not beliveving wats ''iloveyou''. whats '' I LOVE YOU'' ? you say it just for the sake of saying? you hurt somebody you love? is it a drama thats repeatedly playing? or a promise till death do us apart? Neither? Both? All the hurt and pain, its killing me. Stop all the acting.

DONT JUDGE ME BY THE SURFACE.

the beauty exposed ;

Saturday, February 17, 2007

you may not seem to understand why im like a changed person.
my life is no longer the same. you dont have to tell me, i know it myself that i've changed.
i club every week, go drinking at pub one or two times a week. why?

you say you love me more than anything, even yourself, you asked me to understand ur intentions and your pain. i dont need your blessings b'cos im not going have a bf unless i only have that guy in my heart. you understand? your flowers, your bottles of thoughts, your bubble tea, your stars, your saga seeds, your letter that makes me cry myself to sleep.... everything....
you say you will be waiting for the day, for the day when i go back to you.

the coldness is drifting us apart. you try to be cold to me on the surface, yet behind, i can feel everything. dont force urself to be cold, b'cos that will only make us drift further & further.
everytime i miss you, i will see my phone with ur message the next min. and it happens everytime.

im a total failure. i dont know what i want in life. its been so long since i took pics, sometimes i cant even smile sincerely. if i can, there will surely be a pic taken. b'cos its been so long since i see myself smile truthfully. sad to say ........

steamboat.

Valentine's Day.

favourite 9 lilies.

favourite blue roses.

lily again. :)

when i finally understand how drinking helps you forget all your troubles, be it for that few hours.

she goes a lil 'crazy' . LOL.

phuture.

many things have been happening.
its like i've just been rescued from a war.
all my smiles.... they've all gone weird.....

the beauty exposed ;

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

have not been in contact with my close friends for these few days, due to some personal probs.
but rest assured, things are ok now. & i will be back in contact with you all again! :)
from now on, i will & must learn how to be independent,
im free and easy now! girlfriends! can jio me out already ok?! :D

nobody ever tried to stand in my position, nobody ever tried to understand what im going through, nobody ever cared about my feelings when all they do is do it their own way. im so sick of crying...........
can i say i've become stronger again?

wats past is past.
no use holding on to it,
it will only make you tear.

*i miss my precious PIE!

my heart cant possibly break,
when it wasn't even whole to start with.

the beauty exposed ;

Sunday, February 04, 2007

you may have your point of view, but i have mine too.

what i thought may not be what you can accept, what i do may not be what you tink is right.
both are my friends, why must i be forced to forsake one? when neither one is my guy.
everyone will look at me thru their naked eye again. which is what i cannot accept.
i have never regretted being with you, those sweet memories, going thru those stormy nights etc. Neither can i forget that you came into my life, not once, but twice.

maybe, like how we seperated 3 years back, history will repeat itself.
you say you love me too much, and thats why you give me your blessing. but why will i need that 'blessing' when im not back with 'him' ? never mind, all these days, whatever i have said and explain, you never tried to believe or accept. whatever and however way you wan it to be, i will have it your way. be it 'no frens' or 'frens' ..........

i dont wan anybody to love me......
i have no strength to explain and clarify.

the beauty exposed ;

Sunday, January 21, 2007

enjoying our cocktail :)

at balcony :)

HAPPY 19th BIRTHDAY BESTIE! :)

there are so many things i wanna get.
can $$$ drop down from the sky now? so that i can chiong go buy?
i wanna get the *N73 ! * red ipod! * the 2 tops i saw at bugis.
can N73 or money $$$ drop down now?
im officially broke now.
where do ppl get their money from? work? parents?
i dont tink i will be getting a part time job, cos i dont tink the pay that i get from working part time will be enough for me anyway, thus, better not!
*Pie asked me what i want for my birthday when she came to pick me ytd.
hmmmm.. tough question. she demanded me to tell her, cos she told me what she want for her 18th bdae last yr. maybe that swatch' ring? since its ready for collection already? one for you, one for me? perhaps?

**will my 18th birthday turn out to be a 'less than normal' kind apart from my other birthdays?
am only excited that im soon turning 18th, but not excited at the thought of celebrating my 18th. everybody is busy with their sch & work,
my 18th birthday? ends before midnight? even my 16th & 17th also end after 3am, near to morning. but 18th? before midnight? funny? pathetic? i seriously dont know what to say. Luckily there is hon' to acc me even if everything ends BEFORE 12am? thks bb!
and not forgetting bestie SOP! for offering to COUNTDOWN for me? and offering to spend time chilling on 23rd after midnight? so that at least my 18th will not end before 12AM? thanks for the heart though. i love you bestie! i guess she is the sweet second one who has offered to countdown for me. & the first one? definately my HON' ! seriously, who will rmb and come?

*How do i live, if it was ever without you.

the beauty exposed ;

Friday, January 19, 2007

4 more days! .... :) 18th birthday !

have lessons till o130 on that day, still thinking whether to go or not to go. should i?

dyed my hair last evening.
probably meeting my precious pie tmr :)

We've been though so much, way too much to explain.
We've made it through happiness, jealousy and pain.
The things we've endured and the memories we share.
Have been all the more reason to do nothing but care.
Our love kept us going, through better and worse.
Nothing would ever break us .........

cassidy&mandy *

*ps* baobei looks like jay chou! on a certain view! trust me! :)

the beauty exposed ;